Tuesday, October 28, 2008

One Wish

Remember when you were little and some kid in your class would ask everyone, "If you could have ONE wish, what would it be?" And all those kids who think they're so smart would say, "I would wish for more wishes," and one kid always says, "I would wish to fly," and some other kid wishes for some toy or whatever.

Well, when I was little, I thought long and hard about this question. If I could have one wish, what would it be? It wouldn't be to ask for more wishes, because once you stop asking for more wishes you're still left with the exact same thing--one wish. It wouldn't be to ask to fly--although I really would love that--because if I could fly there would be all sorts of problems with adults not letting me fly and me needing some sort of special license or people wanting to put me in a circus or something like that. And why bother to wish for any material thing that you could just as soon get without wasting a wish on it?

No, my wish had to be better than that. I only got one, remember.

After much deliberation, I decided (I distinctly remember thinking this in third grade, so I was 8 years old) if I could have one wish, it would be, "I wish I knew how to do everything."

That way, all my problems were solved. I would be able to fly because I would know how to fly. If I didn't have something I wanted, I would know how to get it. I would be able to speak to anyone because I would know how to learn and speak every language. I would be able to always be happy because I would know how to do that.

What an easy solution. If I only knew how to do everything, I would know how to do everything.

Twenty years later (or so), that is still my answer to that question.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


"Falling into that beautiful thing called Love

"(Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.)


"(I don't know why I want you, but I really do.)

"...Here it is. That inexplicable, elemental tug. That surprising sudden feeling you've been waiting for. This is yesyesyes. This is where you find something or someone, and just fall for them. Illogically. Irresistibly. And find yourself thinking of nothing else.

"Because it's attraction, and the dream of love to follow, that keeps the imagination alive. It's attraction that makes life sparkle and pop and fizz...

"Never stop falling in love..."

Can you guess where I am quoting this from?

If you said the package of a Galaxy chocolate bar, you are correct. Thank you, Queen Tuffett, for the chocolate all the way from England!

My favorite line is, "This is yesyesyes." Can't you just feel the urgent passion?

It actually was a surprisingly smooth milk chocolate, but I don't know that I had quite the experience they described. Now, when I added peanut butter...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Olive Is More Blue... Or More Yellow?

Here is a fun game I recently played, which was made up and administered by Olive (who sometimes has different ideas about colors):

1. Take a box of crayons (the smaller the box, the easier the game--we used 24). Take out the red, blue and yellow crayons. These are the primary colors. Now place each other crayon with the primary color to which it matches most closely. For example, orange-red is a combination of yellow and red, but most likely has more red in it than yellow, thus it gets placed with red. We excluded black and white.

2. Once everyone is done sorting, compare with the other players to see which colors you all had in common. Everyone chose blue for green? Great! If not, set aside every color which is disputed ("Magenta has more red." "No, I see more blue.").

3. In order to discover the true primary value for the disputed crayons, draw on a paper a red blob, a yellow blob, and a blue blob. Then, color a small blob of each disputed color next to the two primary blobs that are in question. For example, color a little bit of magenta next to both the red and blue blobs.

4. Decide which primary color the disputed crayon is most like. If you were right, you get a point. If you were wrong, you don't (and this does require a compromise if you still can't decide).

This is the point at which the game could end. But not if you're Olive, who has more creativity in her earlobe than most people have in their entire brain.

5. "Now," Olive says, "make a picture" of the paper with the color blobs on it. There is a 5-minute time limit.

6. When you are done, pass the paper to the left. Each person then describes whatever was drawn on the paper they are holding.

7. Pass your paper back. "On the back of your picture," Olive says, "write a letter to someone you know.

"In crayon.

"Using every color."

8. Finally, address the envelope in crayon as well. I had to write really big to make it neat enough for the post office.

9. Mail the letters.

And that's the game.

The next day I suggested we play a game. We played Boggle.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Halloween Costume

I'm not dressing up this year at all. I don't really have any costumes with me (they're all in a box in the garage in California), and I don't really have anything to dress up for, either.


Monday, October 13, 2008

Silver-striped Hair

Once, way back in high school, Queen Tuffett (before she was a queen, or even a Tuffett) and I were participating in a service project. We were painting outdoor handrails, and were using silver paint.

After a little while, Queen Tuffett complained to me that she was getting drops of silver in her hair when she bent to pain the lower parts. Her hair is kind of blonde-ish, so the paint didn't show up all that much, but I didn't want her to feel bad.

"Oh, yeah?" I said.

I picked up my paintbrush and stuck it in the can, then ran the globby bristles right down the middle of my hair (imagine Rogue from X-Men, but not quite as much). It had the desired effect. Queen Tuffett laughed, and we kept working.

That strand of hair was kind of clumpy for a few days, but eventually it returned to normal.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Timed Shower

I used to be amazed at how short Tree-Hugger's showers were, thinking she was just being eco-friendly and trying to save water. But now I'm not so sure that's the only reason.

Here is what happens every time I take a shower:

I turn on the hot water, which is always scaldingly hot. I turn on the cold water, which does nothing. I turn the cold higher. Still nothing. More cold. More cold. More cold. Finally, the hot water is just un-hot enough that I can bear it, so I get in.

After about one minute, the shower starts to get cold. I turn the cold down, and it returns to a nicely warm temperature.

After another minute, it starts to get cold again. I turn the cold down, and it gets warm again.

I repeat this process of turning the cold down until the cold water is turned all the way off. Then, when the water starts going cold after that point, I turn the shower off completely.

I haven't actually timed my entire shower length, but I've noticed that I've been taking much shorter showers than I did when I lived at home.

I suppose that's a good thing.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


I try to have patience in all things, but when I hear men complaining about shaving, I find my patience waning thin. I always want to say to the guy, "Look, have you ever tried being a woman? Do you know how little surface area the face and neck cover when compared to the armpits, legs, and 'bikini' area typically expected to be hair-free on the American female? And not only that, but there are quite a few women who shave their face too. And this is on a regular, if not daily, basis. So quit your whining and shave!"

I've yet to actually say this to anyone, and now that I've written a blog about it maybe I can let it rest for good, but I am sorely tempted at times.

I also have opinions on nylons and neckties (I'd take a necktie and suit over nylons anyday, even in the middle of the summer in Philadelphia), but now that I've mentioned those too, I need not say any more.

Monday, October 6, 2008

In Bed By Midnight

I made a goal this week to go to bed by midnight every night. This was not my idea. In fact, I've had this goal before and know I can do it, if I really try. I wouldn't even be worried except for the fact that I shook hands on it, so now I actually have to do it.

Going to bed at 10:30 was the easiest thing for me to give up after my mission. But if I was able to get to bed by 10:30 every night on my mission (okay, okay, almost every night), then surely I can do this little thing of going to bed by midnight for one week. Right?