Wednesday, October 24, 2012


It's kind of interesting to me how many people in my life have called me a freak. Most of my friends and several of my co-workers have done so at one point. I don't really mind being called a freak, because by definition it's true:


1. any abnormal phenomenon or product or unusual object; anomaly; aberration. (from

I can tell you, I am definitely abnormal. There are parts of me that are normal, sure--I am a woman, I like chocolate, I need 8 hours of sleep a night, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, etc. But overall, I'm not normal. Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes with me can tell you this.

Most of the time, I feel like this:

(Yes, probably the "everyone else" bubble should be bigger. :o)

I've asked other people if they've ever felt like this, like they are just completely apart from society, from every other human in existence, and no one that I've talked to ever has. Maybe it's just a hyper-awareness of my different-ness? I have things in common with some people, sure, but I am never part of any group. I never fit. I never belong. And 99.99% of the time, my brain connections/thoughts make little sense to those around me*.

I'm not saying this as a sob story, because I've been this way my whole life, and it's nothing new, and I'm not sad about it, I just find it interesting. And yes, I think we all feel alone in some ways. I'm not talking about feeling alone. I'm talking about feeling distinct. Abnormal. Anomical. Aberrational. Set apart. That's me.

So what is the point? I don't really know. Everyone's an individual. Everyone's unique. But not everybody feels that way every moment of every day.

It is ok to call me a freak. I consider it a compliment.

The end.

*If you are reading this and thinking, "But you've said stuff that makes sense to me!", that's probably because I've said the stuff that sort of makes sense, and said it in a way that others could understand it. The real thought was either never expressed, or failed in the attempt.


Heather Dixon said...

I don't think you're a freak.

I think you're FREAKIN AWESOME!!

Olive Kite said...

I think freak is the wrong word. Try authentic.

Olive Kite said...

Google keeps saying, "Please prove you're not a robot." And so I type in the two words they have pictured above, over and over and over again. In the end, I guess, I am a robot?

elegyrl said...

I wouldn't consider you a freak (even though you say you're ok with it!) I will say I love ya and I think you're incredible! You have always been an inpiration to me and I love that your thought process works differently because frequently you have helped me to see things differently and I appreciate that. I don't recall the specifics off hand but recently I had texted or emailed you something and you responded and it really made me think because you saw it completely different from me. I guess that's what makes us Twinkies! -- and I am with Olive... Google tends to not like my words either... if they're going to make me verify it, they should make it a little more legible!