Freak

It's kind of interesting to me how many people in my life have called me a freak. Most of my friends and several of my co-workers have done so at one point. I don't really mind being called a freak, because by definition it's true:

freak

noun

1. any abnormal phenomenon or product or unusual object; anomaly; aberration. (from dictionary.com)

I can tell you, I am definitely abnormal. There are parts of me that are normal, sure--I am a woman, I like chocolate, I need 8 hours of sleep a night, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, etc. But overall, I'm not normal. Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes with me can tell you this.

Most of the time, I feel like this:

(Yes, probably the "everyone else" bubble should be bigger. :o)

I've asked other people if they've ever felt like this, like they are just completely apart from society, from every other human in existence, and no one that I've talked to ever has. Maybe it's just a hyper-awareness of my different-ness? I have things in common with some people, sure, but I am never part of any group. I never fit. I never belong. And 99.99% of the time, my brain connections/thoughts make little sense to those around me*.

I'm not saying this as a sob story, because I've been this way my whole life, and it's nothing new, and I'm not sad about it, I just find it interesting. And yes, I think we all feel alone in some ways. I'm not talking about feeling alone. I'm talking about feeling distinct. Abnormal. Anomical. Aberrational. Set apart. That's me.

So what is the point? I don't really know. Everyone's an individual. Everyone's unique. But not everybody feels that way every moment of every day.

It is ok to call me a freak. I consider it a compliment.

The end.



*If you are reading this and thinking, "But you've said stuff that makes sense to me!", that's probably because I've said the stuff that sort of makes sense, and said it in a way that others could understand it. The real thought was either never expressed, or failed in the attempt.