Embarrassment

I am not a person who embarrasses easily. I am no stranger to tripping over my own two feet, falling down, running into walls, dropping things, and other such typically "embarrassing" events. That sort of stuff I can just laugh off and move on. What really embarrasses me is things that I regret saying or doing.

For instance, today at the beginning of church (in Relief Society) there were announcements as usual. One sister got up and announced, "Because of the ward activity this week, we're going to be cleaning the building on Thursday at 8:00, instead of on Saturday."

"AM or PM?" I asked.

"PM," she answered.

And then, before I could connect my brain to my mouth, I said, "Yes! I can't make it!"

Everyone laughed, of course, but after I said that, I realized how terrible it sounded. I have been attending the church cleanings as often as I can, as I think it's important that each church member take responsibility for his or her church building, but it's always frustrating to me because so few people show up, and so little work is done. Volunteers look at things and say, "Oh, that's not too bad," rather than saying, "Hey, let's make this cleaner because this is the house of the Lord, and it should be spotless."

This past week, I somehow found myself the last person in the building, just me and one other guy. How had this happened? There was an entire section of the church that had been skipped over (because our ward doesn't use it), but I didn't have time to clean the whole thing myself. Shouldn't there be someone in charge to check things and make sure they're done properly before everyone scarpers off? That's what I did as a manager at the BB&B: when we closed at night, the employees in each department tidied up, and then I checked to make sure they'd done an ok job. Entrusting church-cleaning volunteers to check the thoroughness of their own work is great, yes, but I don't think it's very effective. A church should be cleaned, not wiped down once a week.

At any rate, I was embarrassed at having said that, because I really do enjoy cleaning the church. I try to clean the areas that I think could easily be glossed over, like the chalkboards, window sills, baseboards, and so on. And while on the one hand I don't mind not being able to clean the church this week, on the other hand I never should have said that aloud--it doesn't justly express my full feelings, it demonstrates an improper attitude, and it's just bad manners.

That is what brings me the greatest embarrassment and shame: things I say that I shouldn't have said.